Joining a Cult

I was just checking all my investments – okay, that’s not true since my investments consist of a seriously used Ford F-150 and a formerly valuable bass boat that is currently on loan to a friend of mine in southern Arkansas ­– and I came across a story on MSN.Money.com about MoonPie being named one of the “11 cult foods consumers crave.” They even called it a “cultural artifact.”

“Artifact” seems like a good thing, but I’m not too keen on cults since my cousin Auddy got mixed up with that bunch up in Montana a few years ago and they made him give up hunting, his dog Bob, and made him start wearing bathrobes everywhere inside a compound. But I do like the idea that MoonPie made that list along with White Castle and a beer called Three Floyds’ Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout, which is described as “hellishly smooth yet divinely burnt and vinuous.” That sounds pretty cultish, so perhaps the cult thing is growing on me.

Armed with this exciting news, I drove up to tell my butcher friend at the corner market I go to now and then for fresh cut meat. Chick is a first rate meat-cutter from way back. As I told him that MoonPie made the special MSN list, he gave be his butcher’s smirk and said, “I saw that. Don’t get all uppity about it. A McRib sandwich made the list too.”

I’m not sure exactly what he meant by that, but I happen to like McRib sandwiches “pretty severely,” as my Uncle Carl used to say, so instead of buying a half-pound of his daily special smoked sausage, I left and drove over to McDonald’s to get a McRib – and they didn’t have the doggone thing. I tried though. At least I did that. Us 11 cult foods have to stick together, you know.

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