In high school, one of my buddies, Dozer (that wasn’t his real name, we just called him that behind his back), took an all-you-can-eat buffet joint at their word, and ate 43 pieces of fried chicken for lunch. He was a notorious eater and a big boy too, hence the nickname Dozer (short for bulldozer). He went on to play college ball at Auburn, where I’m told he ate 30 MoonPies out of a concession stand in 20 minutes during a Charlie Daniels concert.
Times have changed. Dozer couldn’t hold a candle to the competitive eaters at the 2011 MoonPie Eating World Championship at the Lady Luck Casino in Caruthersville, Missouri. These guys take it to a whole new level. Last October, a competitive eater named Pat Bertoletti put down 60 MoonPies in 8 minutes to win the World Championship and take home $1,500. He beat out Tim Janus who only ate 41. Come on, Tim. Just 41?
Just joking, Tim. Forty-one MoonPies is pretty impressive, until you see ol’ Pat over there chewing up 19 more. Sounds like it would be a dangerous place between a box of MoonPies and either Pat or Tim. I’m a lightweight. Best I can do is about three in one sitting. And that’s only if I can chase them with a cold beer.
As you can see in the video up there (uploaded to YouTube by DeepFriedDiva, love that name), speedeating can be a little messy, and loud, with weird music. And in this case, it also requires the services of a MoonPie mascot. That’s serious.
Just keep in mind the people you see up there are probably professional competitive eaters. Or I hope so. You’d have to be to eat that many MoonPies, right? But now I’m wondering.
Dozer wasn’t a pro that I know of. He was just flat out hungry – or maybe not.
I decided to look him up. Been 25 years. We talked about football and how he ate all those MoonPies and fried chicken. And then he laid it on me:
“Awe, Mike, I don’t eat like that no more,” he said. “My wife got me on one of them diets where you can eat all you want of nothing you like. I still eat a MoonPie when the mood hits me and she ain’t around. But I’m down to 135 pounds. And I just want to let you know, I always knew y’all called me Dozer.”